so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I pour the whiskey from now on
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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