operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
