hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
