ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
