Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
