In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
