her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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