so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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