I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
