That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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