I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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