I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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