Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Rumble strips road head = magical
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
