I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
