wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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