guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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