When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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