Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
