Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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