Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
