I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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