They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Farmville is her only friend.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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