I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
