can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
