Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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