Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
