i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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