So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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