i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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