I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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