Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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