I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
