I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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