Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize