Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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