I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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