I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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