I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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