after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
