There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
