Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
