Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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