I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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