Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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