I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
