I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
