I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
is wine microwaveable?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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