She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
