I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize