she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
