I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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