We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hippo gnu deer
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
