and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
