so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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