Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
