Sponge bath it is.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
