eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
