His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
