then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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