Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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