I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
its liver damage thursday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
