you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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