Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
