covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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