is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this beer tastes like vomit already
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
